"What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be. "-Ellen Burstyn When I think of eating at a restaurant all alone my skin CRAWLS. I don’t want to be judged by others to think I have no friends; therefore, I RARELY do anything by myself. This week I moved to Louisville, Kentucky without knowing anyone here. I will confess at times it has been lonely not having anyone to pal around with because my doctoral school doesn’t start for another month. However, I am too hyperactive to sit at home in front of my TV all day watching Stranger Things (which I recently finished) and Money Heist (don’t spoil this for me pls). Yesterday, I sat with my phone in my hands as I usually do during days when I have nothing else going on and googled fun, FREE (super important because we stan a ~frugal~ gal) things to do in Louisville. I scrolled through many walking trails, several “free but not really free” distilleries (as I now live in the bourbon state), and a plethora of malls. The only thing that caught my eye that I would be ballsy enough to do by myself was the Big Four Bridge. The Big Four Bridge is a walking bridge that crosses the Ohio River and transports you from Louisville, Kentucky to Jeffersonville, Indiana in a swift 1-mile walk. The bridge used to be a railroad truss bridge that transported goods across the Ohio but has since been converted into a pedestrian bridge and tourist attraction with beautiful, vintage architecture. I thought “what the hell why not”, put on my tennis shoes, and headed for the bridge. It was a Saturday afternoon, so parking was scarce and there were TONS of people on and around the bridge. With my water bottle and phone in tow, I began to ascend up the ramp that leads to the bridge. While on this ramp I saw a lot of people; however, I noticed that basically everyone I saw was with another person. I was the only person there that was alone. Oh no, anxiety. Maybe people thought I was meeting up with somebody on the bridge or maybe, as I tried to portray, people thought I was there purely to exercise. It would’ve been more believable if I had headphones, but I don’t have any running headphones, so it was just me and my thoughts on the bridge yesterday. At first, I admittedly did feel uncomfortable with being alone on the bridge as I pass couples and families holding hands and snapping photos. I felt people looking at me, which I took as judgement, but maybe they thought my outfit was cute-I don’t know. I was so worried about what other people were thinking of me as they passed by, but after a while I was at ease and enjoyed being in my own thoughts and taking in the spectacular sights with no pressure to socialize or entertain others. This experience was my first outing alone and while it was challenging, it proved to me that I could be comfortable and confident in being alone. I often am so worried about what other people (that I don’t even know) will think of me that I let those thoughts control my actions and prevent me from doing what I want to do because I feel like I always need to find someone to do it with me. I think tackling an experience alone is the first step to loving yourself wholly and letting the pressure of others fade. After all, you get along best with yourself, right? So, I urge and challenge you to pick an activity and do it alone -confidently- to cultivate your true happiness.
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Aubree HarringtonClinical psychology student based out of Louisville, KY, trying to figure out this whole "adulting" thing. ArchivesCategories |